![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Monologue Chapter 4
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship, bit angst
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]
“What exactly are you doing here, Ryo?” Jin frowned when he came closer to Ryo and his surfboard. “Painting something?”
“Yep.” Ryo smiled happily, scribbling with his waterproofed black pen on his surfboard. “Everyone does that…”
“Whatever you say.” Jin grinned. “As long as you don’t make me actually stand on a surfboard, I’m okay with almost everything.”
“You really don’t want to try it?” Ryo asked, looking at Jin through his puppy-eyes.
Jin had to seriously hold back not to hug and squish Ryo immediately. “Forget it.” He chuckled. “Not even your cuteness will make me go surfing.” He smiled. “But I’ll have fun while watching you!”
Ryo smiled contently at that, slipping to the side a bit when Jin approached him to look at his surfboard. Jin blinked down at Ryo’s painting, before he giggled like madly. “Really…your painting skills are forgettable.”
Ryo flinched a bit. “Yeah.” He mumbled, a bright smile suddenly appearing on his face. “I know that.”
Jin inspected the other closely. He knew Ryo too well to not be able to realize when he was actually putting on a mask and when he was reacting honestly. Right now he was forcing a smile, trying to hide something from Jin. Did he actually feel hurt?
Jin reached out his hand, stroking over Ryo’s cheek softly. “Is it so difficult for you to accept that there is one thing you can’t do?” he smiled warmly. “That’s not a bad thing! It’s charming. No one can do everything…A person needs to have flaws to be charming and loveable.” He grinned. “Just imagine me being a gorgeous cook and fighting with you over the wooden spoon all the time!”
Ryo had to chuckle at that, a smile appearing on his face again. And this time Jin was sure that it was a true one. “Yes, that’s it.” Jin smiled brightly at Ryo, pulling him closer and into a warm kiss. “I like it when you show me such a smile…”
Since then Ryo had always been looking for things with flaws. Instead of buying a perfect note-book, he rather preferred one with a cut in it. And whenever Jin wondered about it, Ryo would laugh and say: You said it yourself. Things with flaws are more loveable.
“I can’t believe you talked to Tegoshi, before you talked to me!” Pi blurt out angrily. “Honestly, Ryo is also important to me! Really important!”
Jin smiled apologetically. “I know Pi. I didn’t want to hurt you with that. But right now Tegoshi is getting along better with Ryo than you do.”
“We had a fight, Jin.” Pi admitted silently. “But this doesn’t mean I don’t care…”
“That’s not what I meant.” Jin tried to explain. “I hoped that maybe Tegoshi heard something from Ryo. That he knew something specific.”
Pi sighed a bit. “Okay, I guess I understand.” He rubbed over his head. “Still… I don’t think that Ryo would bother Tegoshi with his problems.” He tilted his head, considering their options. “Maybe…” he mumbled. “Maybe MatsuJun… or maybe Takki.”
Jin nodded his head. “I was also thinking about Takki. But you could be right with Jun too…” He sighed tiredly, thinking of Ryo again and dozing off for a moment.
Pi frowned when he watched his friend, feeling concerned about this whole situation. “Won’t you tell me what happened, Jin? I mean… you were so happy with each other. Did you fight?”
Jin stayed quiet for a moment, then he shook his head. “We didn’t. I wish we would have. It would have cleared quite some things between us then… But somehow we had both waited for the other to say something. And hence kept everything inside us.”
Pi sighed a bit. “He is the type who would do that…” he mumbled. “Keeping his problems inside. I remember how overworked he was two years ago. He had to faint before I realized what was going on…”
“Still you fought with him recently.” Jin complained, glaring at Pi.
“I know.” Pi grumbled. “But I’m not the type who makes a first step either. Don’t you think I might feel bad about our fight?”
“What did you argue about anyway?” Jin asked. “Ryo just told me that it was about something stupid and that he doesn’t want to talk about it.”
Pi sighed. “It started with us leaving News. Actually he wasn’t surprised about my solo plans. Like the others he was quite supportive. But then… one day… we got into this discussion. I can’t even remember how it started. About being alone… or rather me being on my own now, since I’m going solo. It started really small, I told him that I didn’t care if I could only count on my own now. Then he got upset out of a sudden. We started to fight, coming from small things to bigger ones.” Pi sighed. “I don’t even know what exactly was off.”
Jin glared at that. “Well, it might be a guess. But saying you are all on your own now and that you don’t care about that… So what? Do you think your friends won’t support you? Or rather: You don’t want them to support you?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Pi argued.
“Then choose different words the next time.” Jin told him bluntly. “You can’t say something like that to someone who always wanted to support you.”
“I know.” Pi admitted. “But it’s not only that. I think that one part of him didn’t understand it that I wanted to go solo…”
“But he understood me.” Jin argued.
Pi smiled a bit at that. “That’s something we fought over too. He got really upset when I brought your name into this.” He sighed a bit. “But now I have to admit that he was right. You and me, we are different. It wasn’t right to bring your name into our argument.”
Jin sighed. “Sounds to me like a huge amount of misunderstandings and wrong words… leading to a huge fight.”
“We were due for it.” Pi admitted silently. “Two years ago we had this thing… But we stuck to ignoring each other, until we suddenly got closer again. I think this time all the frustration came up at once.”
“Maybe.” Jin admitted. “But you are friends. Why didn’t you talk to each other afterwards?”
Pi rubbed over his head a bit. “You are right, we should have. I wished we would…” he looked at Jin insistently. “I promise that when we find him, I’ll talk it out with him.” He looked at Jin carefully. “He doesn’t trust one easily. And I think he has too many doubts. I don’t know why but sometimes this made me wonder…”
******
Jin sighed when he walked through the rain. He didn’t even bother that he was getting wet. Just when the rain stopped, he blinked up at the sky, missing Ryo like crazy. He recalled his talk with Pi. Well it helped him to understand some things, but it didn’t really help him about understanding Ryo’s past. The three of them had stuck together so much that actually Pi’s sight on Ryo was almost the same as Jin’s. Just the last part had been interesting. Doubts. Pi was right. Ryo had a lot of doubts. Just why?
But Tegoshi’s words on the other side had given him quite some clues. What about Ryo’s brothers? What exactly did he mean with a lost child? Jin’s eyes widened for a moment. Wait, didn’t Tegoshi mention Murakami’s and Yokoyama’s name? He should definitely give this hint a try…
Dear Ryo,
Today it stopped raining. Did it also rain at your place?
Wherever you are right now… is there any rain?
Is there sun in your life?
Can you paint there?
I never told you that I love your paintings.
Though they suck, they are so honest.
I remember this one drawing you did for a magazine… where you all had to draw a horse.
You were the only one adding a carrot to the picture, for the horse to have something to eat.
I think this was one of the most adorable things I ever saw.
I’m crazy about you.
I love you.
It’s true.
Your stupid Jin.
******
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE
no subject
no subject
alright, let's get down to business. so ryo loves surfing and painting but jin doesn't want to join him and apparently even mocks his drawing. that's pretty cool and exciting actually. opposites attract after all, right? But then, we have to take note that we have a very fragile and super easily get hurt ryo here (although jin didn't notice it or at least didn't take it seriously) so it made a lot of sense. sigh. the mood is always melancholic and i feel like crying because of ryo. idk, i feel for him so much. i bet he had been keeping everything for so long up to the point that he couldn't breathe anymore. i wonder how's he right now, really. is he okay? gets me thinking, are we totally going to be totally clueless about ryo's condition until jin finally finds him? that'll be a total thrill! my gosh. oh right, until how many chapters will this be? you know, even though this torture me everytime i read it (3rd time now), i would gladly have this in many chapter! so cleaver, eh!
anyway, pi was definitely hurt that jin wwent to tegoshi first before him. that's a bit of a comic part, here, though. a bit calm unlike the flashback. i thought actually that pi was useless here but saying things about ryo's doubts helped jin, didn't it? having doubt is such a powerful element, you know. and i may not understand why ryo have so much of it at the moment, but i know i will, later.
i would love to know more about that Ryo's thing with his brothers. might help out deepen the story. but i'm also glad that Jin found another clue, that is to talk to hina and yoko. they will surely say a lot about ryo. i know in RL yoko and ryo get along really well. are hina and ryo the same? don't know much about hina except that he loves smacking people a lot, eh. sorry about that.
and finally, gosh. the last part made me even sadder :( but it's beautiful, you know. it's amazing. i could feel jin's longing for ryo. he loves him so much, oesn't he? he cares for him so badly but is now cluesless abput where he is and what he is doing. i hope he finds him soon. or not soon. i don't know already! this is just amazing, really! what an amazing piece of art! you're nailing it again! thank you so much, dear! :)
no subject
Yes, Ryo loves surfing ^_^ And well...his paintings are cute but not overwhelming XD But you are right, opposites attract each other. And Ryo and Jin have both: similar interests and opposing interests ^^
Ryo was definitely insecure, you are right, and Jin... maybe he realized it, but he didn't see it as real doubts or insecurities.
Ryo is easily hurt and he is almost fragile. There is a reason for that of course.
gets me thinking, are we totally going to be totally clueless about ryo's condition until jin finally finds him?
That's an interesting questions, but I'm sorry, I can't answer it yet *huggles* I promise you, you'll find out XD
You are right, Pi was hurt. He is Ryo's friend after all, though they just fought. But at that moment Jin was thinking about Ryo and he thought that maybe Tegoshi would have more clues for him.
Actually you are right, Pi couldn't tell him much - his sight on Ryo is similar to Jin's. Different people, different relationships, right? That's what Jin is counting on here - that he maybe gets clues from others. Things he himself can't see because he is too close to him.
The part with the brothers will come soon. Promise!
Jin definitely has a plan - he won't give up so easily. Yoko and Hina definitely know a lot about Ryo - they have been friends since so long. (And yes, Hina and Ryo are close too. Actually Hina is really sweet towards Ryo)
I'm so glad you like Jin's letters. He puts all his feelings into them. <3
Thanks so much for reading! And for your amazing comment!! *hugs-and-swirls-around*
no subject
no subject
It happens a lot to fight over stupid things until they turn up huge in RL too ne~
Thanks a lot for sharing, the flashbacks are heart warming^_^
no subject
You are right, friends fight over stupid things, but then they make up again <3
Thanks so much for reading!! *HUGS*
no subject
Nice chap n thank U 4 updated =)
no subject
I'm so glad you are reading this story <3
Yes, poor Jin, but he doesn't give up <3
no subject
As the chapters move on, I can begin to understand why Ryo just disappeared without a trace. He's the kind where he keeps everything inside and when he can't take it, he'll either disappear and cut off communication with everybody and that includes changing his mobile number, email addres etc - Out of sight out of mind. Or have a sudden outburst and say really hurtful words. Guess he chose the former with Jin.
Can't wait to find out who else Jin is gonna approach to get more clues to find his shrimp.
no subject
no subject
Yes, he draw a horse with a carrot. I searched through my magazines and found it - I'll scan it for you later <3
I love how you pictured Ryo! I think the same... He is just keeping to many things inside, at one point he has to break down or snap.
Thanks so much for reading, dear!! *huggles*
no subject
no subject
no subject
^_^ You are right, it's the second time I write about Ryo and Pi fighting with each other. ><
no subject
My favorite part of this chapter is the letter at the end, so i will write about it first. I love the part with the horse and the carrot. But I think that what I love the most is that as Jin talks to all these people about Ryo, he remembers why he loves him so much. And I understand about the painting too. Someone important to me does not sing well, and I am always saying "I love your bad singing" , because in the car there is nothing better than to hear her singing along to the songs.:D It is true, what is imperfect about us makes us more lovable. That was a great point in this chapter.
i think that everyone has doubts. But doubts can multiply in the mind and turn into misunderstandings. If Ryo was having problems with his best friend and his lover at the same time. He must have truly felt alone. Who would he turn to then? I cannot wait to find out. I am getting more and more intrigued and the more Jin searches for Ryo, the more I am on his side.
Thanks again for this wonderful chapter. Hugs, hearts and a clear path forward. :D :D :D<3<3<3
no subject
I still need to scan Ryo's picture of the horse and the carrot. It's adorable. <3
I'm so glad you liked the concept of this story. Because the idea is that Jin talks with all kinds of people because he wants to understand and get to know the things he had missed. Different people have different relationships, right? So Jin's insight will be completely different than Pi's.
I totally understand you <3 It's imperfect things that often calm us down or make us feel comfortable!!
You are right, doubts can become something huge at one point. We'll soon get to know how this happened between these two here.
Thanks so much for reading and for your encouraging comment!! *HUGSTIGHT*
no subject
I totally feel with Jin, he is oing insane, because he doesn't know where Ryo is, and I am going crazy with him, because I want him to find the stubborn little Ryo.
I totally love the beginning with Ryo's smile. It's so sweet how good Jin knows Ryo, and he sees that his smile isn't a real one. That's so heart warming.
Thanks for this chapter, I totally love this story. <3
*huuuuuuuuuuugs*
no subject
The picture of the horse is so adorable, right? ^^
I know, poor Jin. He really misses Ryo and he wants to have him back at his side.
Jin won't give up though. He is determined to get his shrimp back XD
Thanks so much for reading, dear!! *HUGS*
no subject
no subject
Ryo definitely has his reasons for leaving like that... Let's see what drove him to this drastic step...
Thanks so much for reading,dear! *huggles*
no subject