Monologue Chapter 8

[lilly0]

Title: Monologue: Chapter 8 (of 14): Race
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship, bit angst
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

“Finally.” Jin beamed when Ryo came home that night. He immediately jumped up, pulling him into his arms. “My cutey is home.” he teased before he kissed the other heatedly, hugging him tightly again

For a moment Ryo had to giggle, engulfed by Jin’s dorkiness. But then it seemed like he remembered something. Something he had forgotten when Jin had hugged him. He rubbed over his head tiredly. “Right… I’m home.”

Jin frowned. “Everyhing alright, Ryo-chan?”

“Yes.” Ryo stuttered. He angled for a little box. “Here, I brought some strawberry cake from Maru’s party.”

“Ah.” Jin smiled. “I love strawberries.”

Ryo smiled at that, something between feeling really happy but also melancholic. “I know.”

Jin looked up in surprise, scanning the other properly. “Really Ryo. You are strange… Did something happen?”

For a moment Ryo seemed to struggle with himself, something gleaming in his eyes, but then an almost perfect smile appeared on his face, too bright to be an honest smile. He shook his head. “No, nothing happened.”

“So Ryo is not here right now?” Uchi sounded reluctant. “I wanted to bring back his DVDs.” He pouted a bit.

Jin had to roll his eyes at that. Really…Uchi was still such a crybaby. But then, Ryo really liked him a lot, so there for sure was more about him. “You can leave the DVDs here.” he offered. “Or come back when Ryo is here again…” He said that as randomly as possible, deciding to really believe that Ryo would be back soon. He couldn’t hide forever. And Jin was determined to find him. He needed his stupid little lover after all. And he hoped that Ryo would also need him. “Say, Uchi-kun…”

“Yes?”

“You and Ryo were really close back then, right?” Jin asked curiously.

“Yes.” Uchi nodded his head. “Why are you asking?”

“Yesterday someone told me that Ryo was having nightmares…” Jin started carefully. “I wondered if you would know something about it?”

Uchi blinked in surprise. “Ryo-chan was having nightmares? Really?” He sounded so surprised that Jin knew immediately that Uchi wasn’t hiding anything. He really didn’t know anything about it. “I didn’t know he was having problems.” Uchi mumbled. “I would have tried to help him, if I had known about it…”

“I know.” Jin mused. “He helped you a lot, right?”

“He was always at my side.” Uchi explained. “Well, I knew he cherished me but when I got suspended he actually never left my side. I think you really learn who your friends are during such dark times. He cared so much for me… as if he was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Jin asked in surprise.

“I don’t know…” Uchi shrugged. “It’s just a feeling… But as if he was afraid I would do something to me.”

“Eh?” Jin blinked in surprise. “He really feared that you would hurt yourself?”

“I guess so. He was almost too careful with me…” Uchi mused. “Back than I didn’t see it like that, but now I think he might have been scared.”

Jin shook his head. This didn’t make sense at all. Well, of course it made sense… but to assume that Uchi would actually commit suicide? He rubbed over his head, suddenly remembering Tegoshi’s words. He cares for lost children…

Lost? What exactly did he mean with lost? Jin was sure that Tegoshi couldn’t tell him that either. But there was a pattern in Ryo’s caring. Not that he wasn’t caring towards others. But some of the people he liked to look after seemed to be special.

Jin tilted his head a bit. Who else had been around? Who else could he consider as ‘lost’? Shige? But something told him that Shige wouldn’t be able to tell him more than Tegoshi and Uchi had already told him.

Jin’s eyes widened in surprise. Wait! There was someone else… another option. He nodded his head. He would definitely meet up with this person…

But first he had to talk to Jun.

“Really, is that how you treat a friend?” Jun complained. “You haven’t called since months.”

“Sorry.” Jin answered half-heartedly, knowing that Jun wasn’t all that interested.

Jun rolled his eyes. “You could at least try harder to sound convincing.”

Jin smirked a bit. “Actually I think you are trying hard enough for the both of us…”

Jun had to laugh at that. “True.” He smiled. “We really need Ryo between us to get along well… Talking about, where is he?”

“That’s the problem.” Jin came to the point immediately, knowing that there was no use in chatting and doing some small-talk. This here was Jun…he needed to come to the point fast. “We had a fight and he disappeared.” Jin sighed sadly, trying to hide his desperation. “I don’t even know what exactly was going on and why he left…”

Jun blinked. “But Ryo isn’t exactly a drama queen… Why would he disappear after a fight?”

Jin shifted around a bit. “It wasn’t exactly a fight… it’s more like the situation between us was difficult.” He paused. “I don’t understand why. I finally realized that there was something bothering him… from long ago already. I don’t know what it is. And no one else can really help me. But at least I got some good clues from others.”

Jun considered Jin’s words for a moment, then he nodded his head. “Something was off during the last months, definitely. But it’s hard to get through to him…”

Jin smiled sadly. “Exactly.”

Jun looked at the other thoughtfully, then he sighed. “You know Jin, sometimes I wondered… Isn’t he actually too shy?”

“What do you mean?” Jin blinked.

“I mean, he is shy. That’s okay. But sometimes I couldn’t help but think that he might be too shy. That his shyness isn’t really a natural one. It seems to come from deep underneath the surface. I remember when he was shooting for a drama with Nino. When he had to promote the drama alone, without Nino, he was actually… almost dying from embarrassment. I felt like it was strange… It’s like he can’t feel safe when no one he knows is around him. I always wondered what he is afraid of…”

Jin looked at the other through wide-opened eyes. “Oh my god… Jun, you are right. I never really wondered too much, because I got used to it. But Ryo is… awkwardly shy. It’s like a trauma. At the beginning he couldn’t even open up in front of me or Pi…without a glass of wine.”

“See?” Jun agreed. “I always wondered what had made him so careful and almost fearful.”

Dear Ryo,

are you lost?

Were you a lost child?

And I didn’t realize it?

Were you also lost when we already were together?

I don’t want you to feel lost…

I want you to be happy and smile.

Because your peaceful and smiling face is the most wonderful thing on earth.

Whatever it is that bothers you,

I’ll rip the earth apart to solve it for you.

Please come back. I don’t want to become lost either.

Because without you, I’m lost…

In love, Jin.

******
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE