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Monologue Chapter 5
Title: Monologue: Chapter 5 (of 13): Ha-Ha
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship, bit angst
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]
Jin pushed Ryo against the wall, carefully though, his arms resting on the other’s hips. He kissed Ryo hungrily, lips sucking at Ryo’s, teeth scratching him, while his tongue teased Ryo’s lips to open up. Ryo tasted like salt from the sea… and smoke… juice from the lolly he had been eating earlier.
Ryo smiled against the heated kiss, finally giving in and kissing Jin back just as demandingly as he was kissed. Jin drew back breathlessly, biting into Ryo’s chin softly. He could feel how a shiver ran through Ryo’s body.
“Will you let me tonight?” Jin asked softly, his hands stroking over Ryo’s sides.
For Jin Ryo had always been sensual… The type of guy who wouldn’t hold back too much when it was about making love. He had thought that in this term they would be similar. When they had cleared up what they were to each other – lovers – they would just naturally have sex.
It had nothing to do with being cheap or easy to get, but Jin had thought that they both would want each other and not worry too much about what others would think if they went to bed with each other right at the beginning of their relationship. They knew what they were to each other after all, why proofing it to others?
Not that Jin was disappointed that Ryo didn’t want to have sex at first, but he was surprised. He was simply longing for Ryo’s touches, he wanted to feel his body, taste his skin, being engulfed in his warmth. He knew that Ryo was having similar thoughts, his eyes showed it all, but still…Ryo kept pushing away. As if he wanted to make sure first. Sure about what?
Jin had accepted it of course. And he had loved their dates. It was fun to go out and kiss and touch each other and stop before it got any further. It was like the time before Christmas, when one was waiting for the big day to come… getting more excited with every day. Jin had realized that Christmas would be a wonderful day then. He was looking forward to having sex with Ryo and at the same time he simply enjoyed the time they spent together.
“Yes.”
For a moment Jin had been almost surprised, as if he couldn’t believe it that this moment he had been waiting for was finally coming. Then he grasped this little yes immediately, pulling Ryo into his arms and whispering sweet things into his ears. Ryo laughed slightly about that and this was exactly what Jin had planned.
His hands moved over Ryo’s chest, slipping under his shirt. They had done that quite often, but this time it felt different. Ryo was moving into his touches, giving in to Jin completely, just like Jin was giving in to him.
Dropping down into Jin’s bed, finally feeling Ryo, tasting his skin, feeling his warmth…this was what Jin had been dreaming of. And it was gorgeous, feeling Ryo’s hips against his, his breath meeting his ear and neck, lips kissing him and teasing him, while he teased and kissed the other too. It was so intense that it overwhelmed Jin and made him feel dizzy… and loved like never before.
“Hey Jin.” Ryo rested his chin against Jin’s chest.
Jin smiled down to him, his fingers brushing through Ryo’s sweaty hair. “Yes?”
“Was I any good?”
Jin blinked at that question, then he chuckled. “Honestly… sometimes your questions are amazing.” He smirked at the other. “Want me to show you how good you were?”
Ryo smiled at that answer, looking almost relieved. He laughed at Jin’s teasing, sitting up a bit. “Yes please.”
******
“Yes, his brothers weren’t really nice to him. They said things like 'I break your nose when you don’t do this or that'. Well, I don’t think they really meant it. But telling this a 12-year old is mean. I would have never treated my own brothers like that.” Yoko frowned a bit. “As an older brother myself, I really felt angry at them.”
“Actually his arm got fractured because one of his brother’s threw him out of the room. Literally: threw him out…” Hina mused.
Jin angled for his coffee to diffuse his own annoyed and upset feelings when he heard that. “So you went there and helped him?”
“Yes.” Yoko told him earnestly. “First of all I wondered what was going on with him… I mean, he was so shy and at the same time he could be so snarky… like a wild cat.” He paused. “I worried about that.”
“Why?” Jin asked in surprise.
“Because I think it’s dangerous. A kid should grow up in a loving environment without fearing to go home. What if a child adapts such a thing and keeps it in his memory. What if it will make it impossible for it to trust people? What if it searches such a relationship later on? Such patterns sadly get adapted…”
“You are right.” Jin admitted silently. “You did a gorgeous thing, Yokoyama-kun.”
“Yeah.” Hina smiled. “I’m glad Yoko intervened. After all Ryo was able to find a good relationship…” He smirked a bit at Jin. “For us that’s a huge achievement.”
Jin nodded his head slightly, his gaze shifting to something far away. Yoko was right. Ryo had been able to find someone who loved him. Still there was something inside him, like a wall that kept him from Jin.
Why?
Where did it come from?
Jin sighed tiredly while he was going home. He didn’t want to go to his empty and silent apartment. He missed Ryo so much… sitting alone at home just made him remember what he missed and how it would be when Ryo was still there.
“Akanishi-kun?”
Jin blinked in surprise, turning around a bit to face the person that had called him. He still stared at the other in surprise. He hadn’t expected to meet one of his Senpais here. But then he remembered, also he had a history with Ryo. Why not giving it a try then?
Dear Ryo,
I just remembered our first time.
It was amazing. I was longing for you so much that every touch and every kiss was exciting.
Sleeping in your arms gives me peace… every time.
Does it give peace to you too to sleep in my arms?
I remember after our first time together you asked me if you were any good.
I had to laugh about that back then, thinking that you were a cute dork for asking such a thing, because of course you had been amazing.
But seriously Ryo, did anyone tell you once that you weren’t any good?
Who would do such a thing?
For me you are the best! No matter what and when.
I want you like I never wanted someone else before.
And I love you like I never loved someone else before.
Love, Jin
PS: If you come back, you can call me Fatass every day.
Just come back, please.
******
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship, bit angst
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]
Jin pushed Ryo against the wall, carefully though, his arms resting on the other’s hips. He kissed Ryo hungrily, lips sucking at Ryo’s, teeth scratching him, while his tongue teased Ryo’s lips to open up. Ryo tasted like salt from the sea… and smoke… juice from the lolly he had been eating earlier.
Ryo smiled against the heated kiss, finally giving in and kissing Jin back just as demandingly as he was kissed. Jin drew back breathlessly, biting into Ryo’s chin softly. He could feel how a shiver ran through Ryo’s body.
“Will you let me tonight?” Jin asked softly, his hands stroking over Ryo’s sides.
For Jin Ryo had always been sensual… The type of guy who wouldn’t hold back too much when it was about making love. He had thought that in this term they would be similar. When they had cleared up what they were to each other – lovers – they would just naturally have sex.
It had nothing to do with being cheap or easy to get, but Jin had thought that they both would want each other and not worry too much about what others would think if they went to bed with each other right at the beginning of their relationship. They knew what they were to each other after all, why proofing it to others?
Not that Jin was disappointed that Ryo didn’t want to have sex at first, but he was surprised. He was simply longing for Ryo’s touches, he wanted to feel his body, taste his skin, being engulfed in his warmth. He knew that Ryo was having similar thoughts, his eyes showed it all, but still…Ryo kept pushing away. As if he wanted to make sure first. Sure about what?
Jin had accepted it of course. And he had loved their dates. It was fun to go out and kiss and touch each other and stop before it got any further. It was like the time before Christmas, when one was waiting for the big day to come… getting more excited with every day. Jin had realized that Christmas would be a wonderful day then. He was looking forward to having sex with Ryo and at the same time he simply enjoyed the time they spent together.
“Yes.”
For a moment Jin had been almost surprised, as if he couldn’t believe it that this moment he had been waiting for was finally coming. Then he grasped this little yes immediately, pulling Ryo into his arms and whispering sweet things into his ears. Ryo laughed slightly about that and this was exactly what Jin had planned.
His hands moved over Ryo’s chest, slipping under his shirt. They had done that quite often, but this time it felt different. Ryo was moving into his touches, giving in to Jin completely, just like Jin was giving in to him.
Dropping down into Jin’s bed, finally feeling Ryo, tasting his skin, feeling his warmth…this was what Jin had been dreaming of. And it was gorgeous, feeling Ryo’s hips against his, his breath meeting his ear and neck, lips kissing him and teasing him, while he teased and kissed the other too. It was so intense that it overwhelmed Jin and made him feel dizzy… and loved like never before.
“Hey Jin.” Ryo rested his chin against Jin’s chest.
Jin smiled down to him, his fingers brushing through Ryo’s sweaty hair. “Yes?”
“Was I any good?”
Jin blinked at that question, then he chuckled. “Honestly… sometimes your questions are amazing.” He smirked at the other. “Want me to show you how good you were?”
Ryo smiled at that answer, looking almost relieved. He laughed at Jin’s teasing, sitting up a bit. “Yes please.”
******
“Yes, his brothers weren’t really nice to him. They said things like 'I break your nose when you don’t do this or that'. Well, I don’t think they really meant it. But telling this a 12-year old is mean. I would have never treated my own brothers like that.” Yoko frowned a bit. “As an older brother myself, I really felt angry at them.”
“Actually his arm got fractured because one of his brother’s threw him out of the room. Literally: threw him out…” Hina mused.
Jin angled for his coffee to diffuse his own annoyed and upset feelings when he heard that. “So you went there and helped him?”
“Yes.” Yoko told him earnestly. “First of all I wondered what was going on with him… I mean, he was so shy and at the same time he could be so snarky… like a wild cat.” He paused. “I worried about that.”
“Why?” Jin asked in surprise.
“Because I think it’s dangerous. A kid should grow up in a loving environment without fearing to go home. What if a child adapts such a thing and keeps it in his memory. What if it will make it impossible for it to trust people? What if it searches such a relationship later on? Such patterns sadly get adapted…”
“You are right.” Jin admitted silently. “You did a gorgeous thing, Yokoyama-kun.”
“Yeah.” Hina smiled. “I’m glad Yoko intervened. After all Ryo was able to find a good relationship…” He smirked a bit at Jin. “For us that’s a huge achievement.”
Jin nodded his head slightly, his gaze shifting to something far away. Yoko was right. Ryo had been able to find someone who loved him. Still there was something inside him, like a wall that kept him from Jin.
Why?
Where did it come from?
Jin sighed tiredly while he was going home. He didn’t want to go to his empty and silent apartment. He missed Ryo so much… sitting alone at home just made him remember what he missed and how it would be when Ryo was still there.
“Akanishi-kun?”
Jin blinked in surprise, turning around a bit to face the person that had called him. He still stared at the other in surprise. He hadn’t expected to meet one of his Senpais here. But then he remembered, also he had a history with Ryo. Why not giving it a try then?
Dear Ryo,
I just remembered our first time.
It was amazing. I was longing for you so much that every touch and every kiss was exciting.
Sleeping in your arms gives me peace… every time.
Does it give peace to you too to sleep in my arms?
I remember after our first time together you asked me if you were any good.
I had to laugh about that back then, thinking that you were a cute dork for asking such a thing, because of course you had been amazing.
But seriously Ryo, did anyone tell you once that you weren’t any good?
Who would do such a thing?
For me you are the best! No matter what and when.
I want you like I never wanted someone else before.
And I love you like I never loved someone else before.
Love, Jin
PS: If you come back, you can call me Fatass every day.
Just come back, please.
******
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE
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okay, so there. i've missed monologue so much so yeah. sad mode has been turned on again. i'm starting to pity jin here. although it has just been 5 chapters (cause i don't know how many days have gone by already) i could feel him hurting and longing for ryo so much. yes, you mentioned about the sex here but i knew there was something more about it. ryo himself. jin was starting to realize that almost each of ryo's actions come along with hesitation. and that's sad. everytime i read a line proving how closed he is, my heart aches literally (i'm really serious here). because, how can a person be so closed so much? i think it hurts so much, to get yourself deprived of being open to others, even to the ones you love. it just hurts to be ryo, i think. and it's so sad that he had to keep them all himself when there was at least jin who'd be more than willing to make him feel better. it's hard to gain trust, yes. but... yeah, i don't know already! i have to know what's on ryo's mind! :(
i think this is the second time i have read ryo not having good relationship with his brothers? especially the one yoko going to his house and blah. got me thinking if this happened in real life, though? i know the fractured arm was really because of his 2nd brother but i'm not sure if yoko really did go to ryo's parents. as far as i know now, though, ryo's having a good relationship with all of his siblings now. :)
alright, so based from yoko and hina's thoughts, i feel like ryo's family issues have affected him so much (well that's if having such brothers was the worst, alright) and yes, it could be dangerous. i feel so sad that ryo had to experience such things. kids being bullied and not being loved enough by their parents is a major heartache for me.
“Because I think it’s dangerous. A kid should grow up in a loving environment without fearing to go home. What if a child adapts such a thing and keeps it in his memory. What if it will make it impossible for it to trust people? What if it searches such a relationship later on? Such patterns sadly get adapted…”
this is something. i'm finding clues as to why ryo left but i won't tell. if i'm right. i'll feel bad. :/
so this senpai, is it takki? he and ryo had history? how? hmm. i'm not actually sure if it's really takki so it's just a guess. i hope this person gets to help out jin, though because somehow, i'm feeling that he needs to find the fragile one soon. for me, the things he is learning about ryo are getting worse and serious. it might be too late. i just don't know already! all i know right now is jin is madly in love with ryo and ryo feels the same but something really grave is holding him back. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL. Ryo, I'm worrying for your heart. :(((
Thanks for this wonderful chapter, dear! I really loved it, as always! thanks so muccccccccccccchh <3 <3 <3
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I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy about your amazing comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS*
You are right, Jin is really pitable here. He really wants to have Ryo back and he wants to solve everything that's standing between them. He is really trying hard and fighting for them.
You totally got it. Everything Ryo does comes with hesitation and doubts. Even having sex...
Yes, Ryo had problems with his brothers - or at least with one of them. He really got a fractured arm and the thing with 'I break your nose' is true too.
I don't know though if Yoko really went to his place... But hey, Yoko was such a caring-big-brother type. I bet he did something about it XD
I think it's really sad when siblings bully each other... ><
Let's see who the Senpai is XD It's definitely someone he worked together with ^_^
Yes, you are right. They are both madly in love with each other, but something is holding Ryo back... But we'll approach the topic step by step...
Thanks so much for reading, my dear friend. I'm so glad you are enjoying it!! *Huggles*
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Ryo is so sweet in the end, he really is afraid of doing something wrong, right?! That's so sweet but also kind of sad, something must burden him, and I think Jin didn't really realize it back then, right?! But now it seems he starts to think of everything again and he realizes that Ryo was always closed and Jin should have read between the lines, but maybe he didn't think of it, because he didn't count with bigger problems from Ryo's side?!
But seriously Ryo, did anyone tell you once that you weren’t any good? That sentence let my heart break into pieces...and I think when Jin gets to know that someone told Ryo this, he'd be sad and angry at the same time - not with Ryo of course, but maybe a bit with Ryo too, because he never told him about his problems. But the bigger part will wish the guy to death who did this to his shrimp.
I love the PS - yes Ryo, come back, and you can call him like this every time you want to. It's so heart breaking and sweet how Jin longs for Ryo. He recognizes what Ryo means to him since he is gone. Not that he didn't love him, or didn't know about his feelings towards the other one, but I think he now really sees how deep his love is. But I know Jin will run through TOkyo and the whole earth to find his little stubborn boy.
Oh my, the story with Ryo's brothers is so sad. And the saddest fact is that this isn't just a fake, it really happened. :( Poor boy...and I really can imagine Yoko going there and telling them his opinion about it. And Yoko was always a tall guy, I think Ryo's brothers were running away. *laughs*
So Jin got the next piece for his puzzle here. I am really curious where Ryo is and what he is doing. I hope nothing bad happened to him and he comes back safe. I think Jin will never let him go away anymore when he once find him. *lol* Ryo will get a personal bodyguard who brings him home after every rehearsal and such things. *laughs*
I really hope Jin gets him back, and he is able to tell Ryo what he feels for him, and how important he is for him. :( And I am curious who Jin met here in the end. A Senpai?! Kimura?!
So...ahm....sorry for this a bit longer comment...I had a lot to say....^^ I love the story, thanks for this chapter, I am looking forward to the next. *hugs*
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That's true, for Ryo it was really hard to open up towards Jin. Though he had so many doubts he trusted Jin, but somehow the wall between them suddenly reappeared. Just why?
Jin didn't realize many things back then, mainly because everything was new and because he didn't look at these things from a different angle. Why should he anyway? But now that Ryo isn't here, it suddenly comes to his mind that all these small little things sum up to something huge...
You are right, Jin will definitely be angry when he gets to know the reasons for everything.
Oh, he might be angry at Ryo for not telling him anything - at least a bit angry... I bet he can't stay angry at him for long XD and he for sure will get a bodyguard *laughs*
You are right, Jin for sure realized how much Ryo really means to him. How much he is in love. <3
*g* True, I bet Ryo's brothers would have been afraid of tall and dangerous Yoko! XD
Thanks so much for reading, dear!! *huggles*
I'm glad you like this story!!!!!!
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I know, Jin is so pitiable. Poor him. But he really fights for them <3
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And it's soooooo not easy to let the wall down 'cuz I would think it's Ryo's mechanism of preventing himself to get more emotionally hurt than he already is.
I wonder how Jin is gonna find him and then later try to break this wall Ryo built within him.
The letter at the end is soooooooooooooooooo sweet and Jin-like.
"PS: If you come back, you can call me Fatass every day." LOLOLOL
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You are right, though Ryo can't let the wall down completely, he still opened up - for Jin. Because he loves him so much. This is really something Jin should feel proud and honoured about.
Being a closed person and coming out of one's shell completely is really difficult. And there is a reason for course, why Ryo is so closed.
Thanks so much for reading!!!!!! *HUGGLES*
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Nice chap n thank U 4 updated =)
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This story is a bit angstier as usual,right? Poor Jin...
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Ryo and his brothers--of course it is natural for Ryo and his brothers to experience some form of sibling rivalry--but a fractured arm and constant bullying--that is not normal--that is cruelty. i love what Yoko did.
I think that part of the reason that Ryo did not tell Jin about all this is because he did not want Jin to find out how damaged he was. He did not want to show his true self, because Jin is the most important person to him. He does not want to risk losing Jin--just a guess. Of course I know who the senpai is because i have read ahead, but once again I'll never tell. Another great letter by the way. And I love this fic, if I haven't already said so.
Hugs, hearts, and it will post tomorrow night.
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My heart was beating faster when I saw your comments!!
I'm so glad you liked this here. Ryo and Jin were able to spend some intimate moments with each other and finally have sex.
I love how you analyzed Jin. He for sure is paying a lot of attention to Ryo, but there are moments that are so intense for him that he isn't able to read between the lines.
I really like your ideas about Ryo. It's really a huge possibility that Ryo didn't tell Jin about his problems, because he doesn't want Jin to see how hurt he really is.
Thanks so much for reading!!!!! *huggles*
And yay!!! I'm so looking forward to it ^_____________^
PS: I will answer your message later!!
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Supid Ryo´s brothers!
Love it, thanks a lot for sharing^^
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Thanks so much for reading!! <3 <3