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Let's talk... fandom (and yeah, I guess, this time I have something important to announce)
Hello everyone!
How are you guys doing? I feel like I haven't been talking to anyone for ages ^^
Fandom is so quiet recently that I sometimes find myself not even checking in here for days.
How do you like Arashi's new single? I love the solo parts in it, the beginning is beautiful, but I don't really dig the chorus. A bit too generic for my liking. And I just wish they would release something unusual again (something like Monster)
I think at this point I shouldn't postpone it further... it's about time I talk about fandom, or rather my place in fandom, and be honest about it:
Right at the beginning I would like to point out: This is not a salty I-don't-receive-comments post where I'm moping and asking for sympathy, not at all. Mainly because it's not true - there are wonderful friends here, who have supported me a lot, and I'm eternally thankful for them. Also I promise I'm not moping in this post.
But I want to be honest with you guys.
Recently, or rather for the last months, I have had some thoughts about fandom and JE and all, and the following is really hard to explain: It's not like I'm falling out of fandom per se, not at all, because I still love watching Arashi concerts, and I'm following my other bands too, checking out their music and news about them etc. But over the past few months - maybe because fandom here is so quiet - I have been thinking a lot, elaborate what I truly feel about fandom and fandoms in general, and I have been checking out my other fandoms more.
JE has been quite dominant in my life for years. I mean, in my hobbies and free-time. With working full-time and enjoying travelling and going out with friends, it did kind of lessen, but hobby-wise it was still very dominant until recently (I guess it's in the nature of what Jpop and Kpop fandom is, you engulf in more than just the music, it's about persons, scandals, news, doramas, fantasies produced by the bands/media/agencies etc). And honestly I think I can't do that anymore.
Aside from working and really enjoying planning short trips and vacations and alike, and aside from having fun with vlogging, I do enjoy being a fangirl (once a fangirl, always a fangirl ^^)
I recently played Yakuza 6, a series I absolutely love. One of the best videogame series ever imo. I've also gotten back into videogaming in general (whenever I have time, which is not often)
I have watched Avengers Infinity War, and Marvel fandom just got me again. I've watched most of the Marvel movies in the past and it's always been something I was really really into.
I have also re-visited old fandoms like Harry Potter and Lord of the rings, and realized I kinda missed them.
And to be very honest: Jpop fandom is incredibly difficult. People are difficult. Don't get me wrong, there are awesome people too (like all my friends here) and you have difficult people in every fandom, but it is more intense in Jpop (and I assume even worse in Kpop), and honestly I don't mean the good type of intense. It was like an eye-opener for me to browse AO3 and read up on Stony fics and realize - the annoying only-team Captain America/only-team Iron Man fans aside - it's just so relaxing to be there. Of course peope get worked up there too, but jeez, it's just fictional characters, which brings it to a whole different level. I mean, who in their right mind would go to Robert Downey Jr's facebook and comment something like "You asshole fought against Captain America. Die!". I'm sure people like that exist, but normally the rest of the fans and RDJ himself would probably have a field trip with comments like that.
I'm just so tired from people whining about Nino having a girlfriend and no, it's not because he has a woman, it's because it's that woman, she is not good enough for him. And fans getting salty over Jun's drama rating being higher than their fav's. I'm so tired of the restrictive dating rules which ties men in their 30s or 40s to being single. I'm tired of a fandom and society that thinks it's okay to put women in short school uniforms on stage and have adult men drool over them, and tired of having girls "retire" because with 28 they are old and should marry and not work anymore.
I literally can't bring myself to write something, it started around December - every line I wrote I had to force myself to write it, and first I thought it was because it's writer's block, but it isn't. It's lack of motivation. Simple as that. Then I thought my lack of motivation stems from the lack of interaction here, the lack of comments, the lack of feedback, and maybe that was true - only at the beginning though. It made things rolling for me though, and over the last couple of months I realized it's not just because there aren't many comments, it's more like a shift of interest for me (or lets call it: a division in interest).
I'm not going on a hiatus or anything, because that's not what I need or what this is even about, I'm not dropping out of fandom, but I'll not force myself into writing for this fandom anymore, and I won't force myself into having fun with fandom when I haven't. I will write when I feel I have an idea and want to write it down, and I will watch a concert, when I feel like it.
I thought I had a writer's block at first, I wondered what was wrong with me, then last week I just scribbled down my first attempt of a Tony/Steve fanfic, and... it was SO FREAKING EASY! I've been writing fanfics only for JE for so long that I believed I couldn't write any other fandom - I have been reading fics from other fandoms (especially Lotr) and thought about writing for them years ago already, but I thought I wouldn't be able to do.
JE fandom on DW and LJ slowly dying helped me to get in touch with that thought again and just give it a try, and to be very honest, I'm having more fun with it. It's not stressful for me, there is no pressure, it's just simple fun.
And then I began to go back to writing original stories again, writing on an idea and project I have had thinking about for 4-5 years now.
I don't know where this is leading me, I don't know know when I'll write an Arashi fic again (it might be next week, in a month, in a year or never again, I sincerely don't know) I just know that I can't pressure myself anymore for something that's supposed to be fun.
If I'm posting something, I guess I'll do it on AO3. I've been against using AO3 until recently. But it's just so simple to use, so effortless, and I don't have to bother with formating and cuts etc.
Well, this is all I had to say, which is quite a lot I think? I'm not sure how you guys think about it because I really sincerely like a lot of you and want to keep in touch with you! But if I'm allowed to be selfish in this case, I'll say: I feel so good with my decision and with finally having written it down.
How are you guys doing? I feel like I haven't been talking to anyone for ages ^^
Fandom is so quiet recently that I sometimes find myself not even checking in here for days.
How do you like Arashi's new single? I love the solo parts in it, the beginning is beautiful, but I don't really dig the chorus. A bit too generic for my liking. And I just wish they would release something unusual again (something like Monster)
I think at this point I shouldn't postpone it further... it's about time I talk about fandom, or rather my place in fandom, and be honest about it:
Right at the beginning I would like to point out: This is not a salty I-don't-receive-comments post where I'm moping and asking for sympathy, not at all. Mainly because it's not true - there are wonderful friends here, who have supported me a lot, and I'm eternally thankful for them. Also I promise I'm not moping in this post.
But I want to be honest with you guys.
Recently, or rather for the last months, I have had some thoughts about fandom and JE and all, and the following is really hard to explain: It's not like I'm falling out of fandom per se, not at all, because I still love watching Arashi concerts, and I'm following my other bands too, checking out their music and news about them etc. But over the past few months - maybe because fandom here is so quiet - I have been thinking a lot, elaborate what I truly feel about fandom and fandoms in general, and I have been checking out my other fandoms more.
JE has been quite dominant in my life for years. I mean, in my hobbies and free-time. With working full-time and enjoying travelling and going out with friends, it did kind of lessen, but hobby-wise it was still very dominant until recently (I guess it's in the nature of what Jpop and Kpop fandom is, you engulf in more than just the music, it's about persons, scandals, news, doramas, fantasies produced by the bands/media/agencies etc). And honestly I think I can't do that anymore.
Aside from working and really enjoying planning short trips and vacations and alike, and aside from having fun with vlogging, I do enjoy being a fangirl (once a fangirl, always a fangirl ^^)
I recently played Yakuza 6, a series I absolutely love. One of the best videogame series ever imo. I've also gotten back into videogaming in general (whenever I have time, which is not often)
I have watched Avengers Infinity War, and Marvel fandom just got me again. I've watched most of the Marvel movies in the past and it's always been something I was really really into.
I have also re-visited old fandoms like Harry Potter and Lord of the rings, and realized I kinda missed them.
And to be very honest: Jpop fandom is incredibly difficult. People are difficult. Don't get me wrong, there are awesome people too (like all my friends here) and you have difficult people in every fandom, but it is more intense in Jpop (and I assume even worse in Kpop), and honestly I don't mean the good type of intense. It was like an eye-opener for me to browse AO3 and read up on Stony fics and realize - the annoying only-team Captain America/only-team Iron Man fans aside - it's just so relaxing to be there. Of course peope get worked up there too, but jeez, it's just fictional characters, which brings it to a whole different level. I mean, who in their right mind would go to Robert Downey Jr's facebook and comment something like "You asshole fought against Captain America. Die!". I'm sure people like that exist, but normally the rest of the fans and RDJ himself would probably have a field trip with comments like that.
I'm just so tired from people whining about Nino having a girlfriend and no, it's not because he has a woman, it's because it's that woman, she is not good enough for him. And fans getting salty over Jun's drama rating being higher than their fav's. I'm so tired of the restrictive dating rules which ties men in their 30s or 40s to being single. I'm tired of a fandom and society that thinks it's okay to put women in short school uniforms on stage and have adult men drool over them, and tired of having girls "retire" because with 28 they are old and should marry and not work anymore.
I literally can't bring myself to write something, it started around December - every line I wrote I had to force myself to write it, and first I thought it was because it's writer's block, but it isn't. It's lack of motivation. Simple as that. Then I thought my lack of motivation stems from the lack of interaction here, the lack of comments, the lack of feedback, and maybe that was true - only at the beginning though. It made things rolling for me though, and over the last couple of months I realized it's not just because there aren't many comments, it's more like a shift of interest for me (or lets call it: a division in interest).
I'm not going on a hiatus or anything, because that's not what I need or what this is even about, I'm not dropping out of fandom, but I'll not force myself into writing for this fandom anymore, and I won't force myself into having fun with fandom when I haven't. I will write when I feel I have an idea and want to write it down, and I will watch a concert, when I feel like it.
I thought I had a writer's block at first, I wondered what was wrong with me, then last week I just scribbled down my first attempt of a Tony/Steve fanfic, and... it was SO FREAKING EASY! I've been writing fanfics only for JE for so long that I believed I couldn't write any other fandom - I have been reading fics from other fandoms (especially Lotr) and thought about writing for them years ago already, but I thought I wouldn't be able to do.
JE fandom on DW and LJ slowly dying helped me to get in touch with that thought again and just give it a try, and to be very honest, I'm having more fun with it. It's not stressful for me, there is no pressure, it's just simple fun.
And then I began to go back to writing original stories again, writing on an idea and project I have had thinking about for 4-5 years now.
I don't know where this is leading me, I don't know know when I'll write an Arashi fic again (it might be next week, in a month, in a year or never again, I sincerely don't know) I just know that I can't pressure myself anymore for something that's supposed to be fun.
If I'm posting something, I guess I'll do it on AO3. I've been against using AO3 until recently. But it's just so simple to use, so effortless, and I don't have to bother with formating and cuts etc.
Well, this is all I had to say, which is quite a lot I think? I'm not sure how you guys think about it because I really sincerely like a lot of you and want to keep in touch with you! But if I'm allowed to be selfish in this case, I'll say: I feel so good with my decision and with finally having written it down.
no subject
I am not a really important person in this fandom but I genuinely love your stories. I really don't know if this is a good thing to say or will it help or not but I will wait for your stories no matter where you publish them or no matter when you publish them. I am willing to wait as long as it takes so just don't stop writing. I am sorry for being selfish, please forgive me. I know I haven't been able to write you a lot of comments and I have a lot to catch up but I hope you won't hate me when I manage to find some time from everything and write those comments *crossing fingers*
You are the first person I got to know in this fandom and I really adore and admire you. I will fully support your decision, and well I am always around here and wait for your stories.
I don't know what this is about, omg I made it sound like a farewell speech T-T I am sorry T-T
no subject
I do really think that JE fandom here is slowly declining. I try not to compare it to a few years ago, when there was a crazy amount of people. It's also not the reason I'm pulling myself out of this here a bit, I really just want to spend my time with other things as well ^^
I always loved to have you around and talk to you, so please don't apologize ♥♥
no subject
I'm holding my breath while I read this post.
And my inner tought say " no no no..." but this is the truth.
Shoganai...
Nobody enjoy fangirling if it feel no fun anymore.
Hopefully one day, someday I will see you and your fanfic again.
no subject
I might write a fic again, I still have the one or other idea flying around, I'm just not sure when I'll finish it.
no subject
I wish you well with your new stuff and I hope that you find enjoyment there.
We will still be here waiting for you, ready to read your words when you feel like dropping by.
I would love it if you would still read my posts occasionally since I value your opinions and if you could finish my vampy present one day that would be wonderful too.
Have fun *squeezy hugs* *sob*
no subject
I'm not leaving though, I mean, I still love Arashi and my other groups, so I'm definitely going to visit DW regularly, and check out what you guys wrote. Definitely going to continue reading your fics! That's why I don't want to use the term hiatus or anything alike, because that's not true. I'm still here and I'm still reading.
In all honesty, I just realized that I've lost quite a lot of passion for all of this here, and I want to spend time with other stuff too. I think my motivation will come back naturally then, because I'm still a fan. Everything I wrote from November/December until today was a struggle for me, and I realized it's more than just writer's block.
I'm planning on finishing the vampy-fic for you ;-) I've one or two chapters pre-written and I will post them. I guess I will post it on AO3 though. Would that be okay for you?
no subject
It is better to take a break than try and force yourself.
I am happy that you found something else you enjoy.
*hugggssss*
no subject
don't worry, I think I feel the same way
now I am more focus to my real life, there are a lots fun thing out there.
no subject
I think it's understandable. You can't force yourself to do something if it isn't fun!
Hope you have fun with whatever you do from now on ^^
no subject
It's kinda sad to read your thoughts but I always say to people, "you do you!" Do what makes you feel happy and relaxed.
P.S. Sorry I couldn't read or comment on your works recently but I'll seriously miss immediately having a follow-up fic from you after the first one's done.
no subject
Arashi is not my whole life, but it's a really lovable part of it.
Your words made my heart beat a little cold for a sec (I liked the fics I read from you!), as always happens when I see a loving fan turning its back...
Thank goodness we are free to do what our heart needs.
You go find what makes your heart roar!
no subject
I like your stories, I read it in years. But I know when it's tough to take balance, you shall not force things.
Hope you someday will able to enjoy J fandom again