Monologue Chapter 10

[lilly0]

Title: Monologue: Chapter 10 (of 13): Scarecrow
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship, bit angst
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

Jin had raised his hand. But not in a bad way of course. He had actually just wanted to rub over his head in annoyance.

Because they had fought. A serious fight, one of those that didn’t make it easy to apologize afterwards, even if one wanted nothing more but to apologize.

Ryo flinched.

Jin blinked in surprise, wondering why Ryo was looking at him through these tortured-looking eyes, his hands trembling. What the heck was off? Was he so worked up about their fight?

Jin sighed, he hated fighting with Ryo. He hated it when Ryo’s eyes looked sad… when he stopped fighting and arguing and simply stayed quiet. He was the type to do that, to bear with someone else being angry while he didn’t react at all.

As if he was waiting for the storm to be over.

He always was like that.

But this time it was different. He had clearly flinched.

Jin looked at Ryo nervously. “Ryo…” he started carefully, wanting to ask a hundred questions.

But Ryo simply drew back. “I’ll cook something for us…”

“What the heck…” Kame gasped.

“Well, that’s what I call a welcome.” Jin tried to joke, but couldn’t hide a nervous tune in his voice.

Kame blinked in confusion. “Jin…what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in first?” Jin asked carefully.

Kame sighed in frustration, opening the door. “Whatever…”

Jin sighed a bit, following Kame into his living room. This was awkward, really awkward, and he had actually hoped to avoid this here for another 5 years. But it was an almost-emergency after all… and Ueda had told him to talk to Kame. Why? Jin didn’t know that yet, because Ueda couldn’t tell him Kame’s secret that easily.

“What is this about?” Kame asked carefully when Jin stayed quiet. He had felt surprised and not too happy when Jin was standing in front of his door. But right now he actually felt almost uncomfortable. Why was Jin here? Did something happen?

“It’s about Ryo…” Jin started.

Kame flinched when he heard Ryo’s name, immediately catching Jin’s attention like that.

“What?” Jin blinked in surprise.

“It’s nothing…” Kame stuttered.

Jin frowned. “What…” he tried to joke to diffuse the tension between them. “Were the both of you together once?”

Kame gasped at that, blushing a bit. “Well…”

“Wait…” the older one interrupted him. “For real?”

Kame sighed deeply. “I don’t know if you could actually call it ‘together’.”

“What would you call it then?” Jin asked bluntly. “I’m sorry for asking like that. But this is important. It’s not only because I’m together with him now… it’s also something else.”

“Did something happen?” Kame asked carefully.

“Yes.” Jin decided to be honest. If it was true what Kame had told him, then he would deserve to know the truth. At least a bit of it. He sighed deeply. “We were breaking apart…and I don’t know why. He disappeared some days ago and I don’t know where he is hiding right now. I need to know some things to understand what is going on… and to find him.”

Kame looked down at his fingers, tensing up a bit. “I…if you say it’s important, I’ll believe you.” He looked at Jin sadly. “He was totally messed up back then, Jin.”

“What do you mean?” the other asked carefully.

Kame smiled sadly. “I had a crush on him… and we met coincidentally. Somehow we ended up together. But… it was more like an affair. He was so messed up, a relationship would have been impossible. Like he was hurting and I could merely watch him being in pain.” He sighed a bit. “I tried to comfort him, make him open up, make him smile… but it didn’t work. I think he had to get over things that happened in the past first, then I might have had a chance. But back then, he wasn’t over it.”

Jin stayed quiet for a moment. “Kazu… whom was he dating before you?” His voice was shivering a bit, while he tried to stay calm. But inside him a storm was already preparing to blow off.

Kame shrugged helplessly. “Exactly, right? I was thinking the same… Who had messed him up like that?”

“You think it was about his former relationship? That this is the reason?” Jin tried to make sure.

“It’s just a feeling.” Kame mumbled. “But…I…” He took a deep breath. “I know you don’t want to hear it when I talk about how I had sex with him. But when we did it…it was like he tried everything to actually please me… while he was totally unsure at the same time. One time I approached him, thinking that he actually wanted to go to bed with me too at that moment. We had sex with each other… but then I had to find out that he actually hadn’t want to do it!”

“What?” Jin pressed out.

“He didn’t dare to say that he didn’t want to have sex.” Kame admitted silently. “Do you even imagine how I felt afterwards? It was as if I had forced myself on him. This was the worst for me… And it was the first time I actually tried to talk to him… and he listened. I think he learned it back then. I really tried to get through to him here; that he should say no and don’t think he need to please me all the time.”

Jin closed his eyes, trying to think of the many moments he had spent with Ryo. He suddenly remembered it… that Ryo didn’t want to have sex at the beginning. Kame was right. Ryo had learned to say ‘no’. Gladly. “You don’t know anything about the guy before you?”

Kame shook his head a bit. “I’m sorry. I don’t know anything. But…” he paused. “…if someone knows anything, it has to be Takki. I don’t think that something like that slips Takki’s attention…”

Dear Ryo-chan,

Remember our first fight?

You looked so scared out of a sudden…

Your hands were trembling…

I could clearly see it.

I just didn’t understand why. I thought you had been too worked up about our fight.

But now I can’t help but wonder…

Did you think I would slap you? Hit you?

Why would you think something like that?

Why did you stop trusting me?

I promise you, if you return, I will always treat you with respect.

Because I love you.

Your Jin.

PS: I never really apologized for yelling at you during this fight.

Now I want to say it: I’m sorry. It's not too late to apologize, is it?

******

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

Comments

[sweetspicyhot.livejournal.com]

I thought i knew what Kame was going to say and I was wrong, so wrong. You always surprise me! i love this fic. and this chapter was amazing!!!!!!

One of the things I love most about this fic is that you think you are getting another clue to Ryo's past, and you are. But what is even more amazing to me is what you end up learning about Jin.

Jin has a history with Kame, and their interaction is awkward at first. But then Kame sees how desperate Jin is and he opens up. I love the little touches like Jin calling Kame "Kazu."

i love how Kame doesn't really want to share this part of his past, but he will because he knows that Jin needs to find Ryo and understand him.

And no one wants to think of their lover with someone else. But Kame was able to get through to Ryo enough to show him that he could say no. It is because of Kame's relationship with Ryo that Jin's is even possible in a way,

This chapter is seriously my favorite. Not just because of Kame, but also because Jin has his breakthrough ne, he finds out Ryo's secret here. This was so beautifully written. I love it so much. And i love the letter too--my favorite word in it "respect"--that is love.

Oh and Takki is next, And we know he knows a lot.

Hugs, hearts, and tiny little umbrellas. :D:D :D<3<3<3

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your amazing comments!!
I can't thank you enough for your encouragment!! REALLY!!!!!!

By the way, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to reply to your PM yesterday, will do so after I answered your comments *huggles*

I felt really sorry for Kame here. I mean, how would he feel after he almost 'raped' Ryo - this had to be horrible for him...
But it was also the point that made Ryo realize that he needed to do something about his problems.

I'm so glad you liked this chapter!! Because this one was the most important for me too.

Thanks so much for reading, dear!! *HUGGLES*